Habeeba Husain
Mecca B. didn’t know what to expect when she walked into the funeral service of her late cousins. The Philadelphia native entered the mosque feeling very out of place and uninvited. She was raised Christian, but her cousins were Muslim. One had drowned, and the other jumped in to save him. Both of the young men passed away.
B. quietly observed the Islamic funeral service and the burial. There were no caskets, no readings from the Bible, men and women sat separately. Things were simple, quick, and almost “angelic.”
“It was the best day I’ve had in a long time,” she said.
These words seem odd at first, considering the young woman’s relatives tragically passed away. But the college student was in a dark place herself, struggling with traumas, anxiety, intense bouts of depression, and even suicidal thoughts. So much so, that having attended a calm and peaceful funeral was the highlight of her recent life.
“I couldn’t put Islam down,” B. said. “I couldn’t stop thinking about it all day.”
For her, that janaza, or funeral, was the moment she really noticed Islam. Her eyes and heart became open and receptive to it.
“To me, it was a really great day,” she said. “It was unifying. It was beautiful. It was angelic. It was every good thing you could think of.”
Leaving Her Performative Church
B. grew up attending church every Sunday. Her mother made it mandatory in her home, even though B. herself did not connect with it.
“I didn’t understand the concept of worship…because it didn’t seem like worship,” she said. “It just seemed like people come in this building, and they start yelling, and they start running around, and they start catching this Holy Spirit that I’ve never seen. It was like going to see a play, a performance.”
As a young teenager, B. looked for ways to excuse herself from this church that she frankly felt irritated by. She was ecstatic every time she succeeded in skipping the service.
She thought she’d never look back. But as she got older, her depression intensely set in.
“I would just be severely depressed out of nowhere. It wasn’t like someone hurt my feelings and now I’m super sad, or my friends won’t talk to me. I had no reason to be upset, but I could not pull myself out of bed,” B. explained. “It would go on for months. I don’t know what triggers it, and I don’t know what makes me snap out of it or what makes it better. It just gets better when it gets better.”
With nowhere else to turn, B. decided to “give this Jesus thing a try.” She knelt her head and prayed for a way out of her depressive state. When her symptoms eventually subsided, she attributed the win to Jesus.
As time went on, however, things didn’t always stay positive for B. She tried to commit to Christianity and told herself that things were getting better for her mental state because she was trying. But ultimately, she felt like her words in times of need fell on deaf ears.
“I felt foolish…like calling out for Santa Claus or something,” she said.
Finding a Lifeline in Islam
As a young child, B. didn’t question anything of the religion she grew up around.
“The same way cereal and milk go together, you don’t question, ‘Oh, why not orange juice?’ You just eat it as cereal and milk. So it was kind of like that—I never really questioned [Christianity].”
But at the same time, she never felt connected at church. Rather, it was at her cousins’ Muslim funeral where she felt a connection. She described the incident as if God “tapped her on the shoulder” to wake her up. Upon returning to her dorm that day, she downloaded the English translation of the Quran on her iPad.
At first, she didn’t understand what she read, and she put it away. But Islam kept coming back into her mind. She began to notice Muslim students on her campus, she looked up articles about the religion, and she watched Q&A’s online to learn more.
“I was getting to a point where I realized that I started to believe in everything,” she said. “I noticed that I was starting to mention Allah’s name.”
B. researched how to make dua, or supplication. She put her hands together and began to pour her heart out to Allah, ready to receive whatever He was going to give her. She asked for a cure to her depressive episodes.
At one particular point, B. was suffering from very intense suicidal thoughts. She asked Allah to take away her depression because she truly didn’t want to hurt herself but was frightened she would. She took what she referred to as “emergency shahada.” She uttered the Muslim declaration of faith that officially entered her into the fold of Islam: there is no god except Allah, and Muhammad (may the blessings and peace of God be upon him) is the final messenger of God. B. was in desperate need for change, so it was either now or never—perhaps even life or death.
While becoming Muslim didn’t of course cure her depression, she still felt like her Islam and her connection with God made everything more bearable. Her words no longer felt unheard the way they did when she was Christian.
She referenced a verse from the Quran: “When My servants ask you about Me: I am truly near. I respond to one’s prayer when they call upon Me. So let them respond [with obedience] to Me and believe in Me, perhaps they will be guided” (Quran 2:286).
“I’m crying, but I’m crying in sujood [or, prostration]. I’m crying, but I’m remembering Allah. I’m crying, but I look forward to making Maghrib and Asr and Fajr [three of the five daily prayers in Islam],” B. said about her life after embracing Islam. “Finally, I have someone to talk to. Finally, I’m not by myself all day. Finally, I’m not in my room pacing back and forth, debating if I want to hurt myself.”
For Mecca B., Islam was a lifeline. It is through Islam and belief in Allah that she found purpose and solace in life.
“I’m not saying Islam makes everything in life easy, because we’re still going to be tested,” she said. “But Islam is definitely the best thing that’s ever happened to me… it literally saved my life.”
If you have questions about Islam and want to learn more, please reach out to 877-Why-Islam.
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